CONFLICT RESOLUTION — HOMESTEADING AND GARDENING
SUMMER AND TRAVEL OPPORTUNITIES
Notes and Resources That I Hope Will Make Your Life Better
There is nothing simple about family living. Homeschooling — being both parent and teacher — is not always easy. Each of us is unique. It’s all right to be human, to be mad or sad or frightened, to be happy and joyful and full of laughter. To be fully alive we must all laugh and cry, and it is through our example as parents that our children learn how to live — so don’t be afraid to show your feelings. Joy and laughter are easy to share. Sorrow and hurt are harder. We tend to want to shelter our children from the hard things in life, but they will learn to cope with their own inner lives and feelings better if they begin to understand these feelings through our experiences and ex¬amples. A child who is afraid of the dark or of getting an injection will not think less of you if you tell him you used to feel the same way too. The path to learning courage is to know that it is all right to be afraid and yet do what needs to be done.
VOLUNTARY SIMPLICITY, by Duane Elgin, is not about living in poverty. It is a book about living within the context of balance with our daily needs (as opposed to wants), developing global awareness and personal growth, and seeking the richness within our lives. Elgin is very aware that lasting changes in our society will come from indi¬viduals making changes in their own lives and not from government, although these changes will eventually be reflected there. $12.99.
MEMORY SKILLS, an Usborne book, will give your kids an advantage when they study. It’s a boon for parents and teachers, too. Tips and techniques to improve your mem¬ory, then some tests you can give yourself to gauge how well you’ve done. This will help you get names and faces together correctly, and help with studies and Trivial Pursuit. I won’t guarantee that the kids will remember to pick up after themselves, but they should at least remember that you told them to do so. Ages 11 and up. New and used from Amazon at bargain prices.
IMPROVE YOUR SURVIVAL SKILLS. This Usborne book provides basic knowledge for survival in a va¬riety of circumstances. (For people like me it should begin with the directive to read Memory Skills first, so I’ll remember to take my bee-sting kit when I pick berries.) Excellent ideas for putting together your own first-aid kit and knowing what you can do in emergencies. Ages 9 to 12. $5.99.
KIDS TO THE RESCUE! First Aid Techniques for Kids, by Maribeth and Darwin Boelts. This book is designed to be used by parents and prereaders together or older children learning the basics of first aid. This is not a complicated book. Very practical, down-to-earth information every child should know so he will not be too frightened to help. They recommend, and I agree, that each section be read, discussed, and then acted out. This book will help your child help others and himself. After assimilating the infor¬mation, your child will know what to do in certain situations as well as when and how to get help from an adult. Topics covered: bleeding, broken bones, chemical burns in the eye, choking, clothing on fire, dog bite, electric shock, burn, insect sting, nose bleed, poisoning, snake bite, something in the eye, and unconsciousness. This is not an alarming book, and it does not go into gory consequences. Ages 9 to 12. $9.95
If you really care about survival at home, in town, or in the wilds, enroll everyone in your family, 14 and older, in a CPR course. It doesn’t cost much, and that small invest¬ment in time can save a life — yours or someone else’s. Survival Skills won’t teach you CPR, but it will be a good beginning.
If you’d rather not learn CPR that way and don’t care about certification, you can do it at home and learn just as much. Get your own CPR kit for $34.95 (as of July 2009), including shipping, by going to www.americanheart.org. On the left, click the tab that says “CPR & ECC,” then click on “CPR Anytime” to order. I’m certified in CPR through the National Ski Patrol, but I live in a rural community with an aging population, and I’ve been con¬cerned for a number of years that we will lose someone because the nearest CPR skills are miles away. I’ve finally talked our community women’s group into ordering this kit, and we will all learn together. I hope we never have to use it, but I will feel better knowing that there are many around with the basic life-saving skills.
I AM NOT A SHORT ADULT!, by Marilyn Burns. A Brown Paper School Book about how to make the best of being a kid. Often much of growing up is spent getting ready for what comes next (kindergarten is preparation for first grade and so on). This is a light¬hearted book about the serious business of being a kid right now, about relationships within the family, money, work, TV, and legal rights. A book for creative thinking about what you can and can’t control and how to make the best choices for yourself. Ages 10 to 16. New and used from Amazon.
KIDS AND GRANDPARENTS: An Activity Book, by Ann Love and Jane Drake. You can use this book even if the grandparents in your family live across the country — or on the other side of the world. Packed with ideas for things to do and share across the generations by creating together or swapping crafts, recipes, cassette tapes, and more. Ages 6 to 106. $10.95.
We found that conflict resolution works much better if “blame” is not the issue discussed. We felt that blame was counterproductive, because what is past can’t be changed. The current need was a solution. We discussed individual points of view so that all parties involved could see the other perspectives. This did not necessarily mean agreement, just understanding. We put our emphasis on finding solutions and compromises, and finding ways to avoid similar problems in the future. Children of all ages look to their parents for guidance not only in finding an immediate answer, but to learn how we go about finding solutions. It can require a great deal of time and patience, but these lessons are ones that last a lifetime and are worthy of our time and effort. The immediate issue will disappear, but the ways in which we help our children learn to deal with conflict in a peaceable manner will last. It is an example we can set. It is a gift we can give.
Now, many years later, I see that the time we took to help our kids work through their conflicts through discussion were well worth the time and effort. All our kids now have children of their own, and although I’ve never said anything to them about it I can see them using and passing on the same skills to their children. There’s no spanking and no spoiling either.
THE DISCIPLINE BOOK, by William Sears, M.D., and Martha Sears, R.N. I like this book. Based on the theory of attachment parenting, its philosophy is one of observation and appropriate response without physical or psychological violence. The Searses do not believe there is ever a need to spank (I really want to say “hit”) a child; however, they recognize that some very loving and committed parents do spank/hit their children, and they include some very good advice and thought-provoking ideas for those who do. They also offer alternatives to spanking/hitting. This book covers important issues from birth through age ten. You’ll learn how to say no in a positive manner; deal with temper tantrums; provide structure as well as freedom; deal with biting, hitting (how can we condemn children for hitting if we hit them?), whining, sibling rivalry, morals, and manners; and use discipline for special times and special children (the hyperactive child, the special-needs child, the shy child, etc.). Very thorough, very compassionate. $14.99.
Manners count. We almost always use them interacting with people outside our families. We found that using the same manners within the family isn’t always easy, but they make the business of day-to-day living a lot smoother. Sometimes a simple “please” or “thank you” or “would you mind?” is all it takes to avoid hard feelings.
I think I might be getting cranky in my old age. I have less tolerance for misbehavior than I used to have. I’ve remarked elsewhere in this book that at homeschool fairs and conferences I generally see happy families with happy chil¬dren. Even though it’s rare, sometimes I do see children misbehave. Freedom to explore and grow is essential. I do not think it includes the right to interfere with the freedom of others. It’s nice when children can learn from experi¬ence and natural consequences, but I see no reason not to give them some guidelines. I have no quarrel with parents who will allow a child to do what he wants within their own home. My house is something else. It’s mostly child-proof, but over the years it has become less so. When visiting my house I do not want kids to maul my animals or take things without asking, and I do not want to feel it is up to me to supervise other people’s children. With that said, you are all welcome to come and visit most any time. Calling first is not only good manners but will ensure that I am home at the right time.
KIDS CAN COOPERATE: A Practical Guide to Teaching Problem Solving, by Eliza¬beth Crary. An innovative, inspiring, and very practical approach to learning how to help children listen, consider, and cooperate. Crary writes clearly about why kids quar¬rel and offers concrete ways to help kids learn to settle problems. There is a section for working with preschoolers and a separate one for school-age children, recognizing that issues change and older children can use more complex problem-solving skills. There is also an excellent section about child-parent conflicts. I think this book has many excellent ideas for coping and resolving family conflicts. I highly recommend this book to all imperfect parents with imperfect children. I didn’t agree with every¬thing, but that shouldn’t surprise anyone. New and used from Amazon.
BEING YOUR BEST: Character Building for Kids 7-12, by Barbara Lewis. All of us strive to do our best. That includes kids too, even when they squabble with each other, refuse to cooperate, or get mad at us. When kids act inappropriately they are learning what works and what doesn’t work in a given situation. In writing this book Lewis has given us valuable tools for helping our kids sort out important ideas and clarify their thinking about many important issues that will affect them throughout their lives. As homeschooling parents we should pursue goals beyond teaching the three R’s and in¬clude models for good living — for being good people, good neighbors, and good citi¬zens of the world. Lewis’s book is a practical approach to developing these skills with quizzes, cartoons, and practical writing exercises. If your kids don’t want to write, you can discuss the topics, which is a good idea anyway. Subjects covered in this book are caring, citizenship, cooperation, fairness, forgiveness, honesty, relationships with fam¬ily and friends, respect, responsibility, and safety. Included are positive examples of real kids making a difference. This book — the younger sibling of What Do You Stand For?, mentioned in the “Philosophy and Religion” chapter — will help your kids see that what they do can make a real difference. New and used from Amazon.
Recreation and Special Summer Ideas
PETERSON’S SUMMER PROGRAMS For Kids & Teenagers. Wondering what will make the summer memorable for your kids? This annual guide, which was published as Pe¬terson’s Summer Opportunities for Kids & Teenagers through 2006, reviews more than 1,000 possibilities. Travel the U.S., Canada, or Europe; be a camper, a counselor, or a guide; learn new skills, develop talents, improve your sports or academics; get ready for college; and make new friends. Something for everyone, including the gifted and specially challenged. Details given on day and residential programs, courses, special activities, costs, financial aid, accreditations, and more. You can search a selection of the book’s listings for free online at www.petersons.com/summerop/code/ssector.asp. $39.95.
SUMMER ACTIVITIES FOR TEENS AND UP. Are you looking for constructive projects that will challenge your older children and give them a unique opportunity to work with others their own age, under supervision? For projects near home or overseas write the Quaker Information Center, 1501 Cherry St., Philadelphia, PA 19102, or phone 215-241-7024. Request information about short- and long-term youth programs and additional learning opportunities with the American Friends Service Committee and other organizations. Programs last a weekend or months. Some programs pay and others don’t. Most programs have no religious orientation.
CANYONLANDS FIELD INSTITUTE. A remarkable place to enjoy and study the South¬west. Take part in their programs as an individual, group, or family. They offer special programs for teens and even courses for university credit. Canyonlands Field Institute, P.O. Box 68, Moab, UT 84532; 800-860-5262. Online at: www.canyonlandsfieldinst.org/.
WILD QUEST. An Outward Bound-type program with more empha¬sis on environmentally ethical travel through the wilderness and a natural science/history focus. Learn wilderness skills for safe, com¬fortable, environmentally ethical travel through areas of the U.S., Canada, and Mexico. Staff is primarily made up of educators. Cost is about half what the other outfits charge. Free catalog and information. 888-217-8226; email: applications@wildquest.org; www.wildquest.org. The Outward Bound wilder¬ness program offers a special scholarship rate for first-time participants if they need assistance. Maybe Wild Quest does too.
INTERESTED IN WORKING ABROAD? Write for free information from Work Abroad, CIEE, 305 E. 42 St., New York, NY 10017; 212-661-1414, ext. 1126.
KIDS CAMP! Activities for the Backyard or Wilderness, by Laurie Carlson and Judith Dammel. Lots of activities to help young campers build an awareness of the environment, learn about insect and animal behavior, and enjoy the outdoors, whether near or far from the back door. Ages 4 to 10. $14.95.
AU GRAND BOIS is a family camp offering a variety of outdoor activities as well as crafts, etc., for the entire family. Au Grand Bois, Ladysmith, Quebec J0X 2Q0, Canada; 819-647-3522; bm567@freenet.carleton.ca; www.augrandbois.ch/home.aspx. Comment from a reader who has been there for a women’s retreat: “Great food! Great place!”
THE KIDS CAMPFIRE BOOK, by Jane Drake and Ann Love, is full of great ideas for fun around the campfire. Lots of related activities. Ages 10 and up. $16.95.
Looking for a camp? The AMERICAN CAMP ASSOCIATION has a website (www.acacamps.org/) where you can search by location, special needs, specific activities, or other characteristics for camps that meet or exceed industry standards for safety, programming, staffing, health care, food, and more.
Gardening
ROOTS, SHOOTS, BUCKETS, & BOOTS: Gardening Together With Children, by Sha¬ron Lovejoy. A wonder book of theme gardens, bean tunnels, a moon garden, a sun¬flower house, a flowery maze, a snacking and sipping garden, and much more. There’s a how-to section that will assist the beginning gardener, myths and stories related to growing things that will intrigue young and old, and snippets of information about wildlife that will be attracted to your garden creation. It’s winter, but this book makes me want to grab the nearest kid and start planning summer fun. This book goes well beyond just growing flowers and vegetables. It’s about having fun in the garden. Ages 8 to 12. $13.95.
GREEN THUMBS!, by Laurie Carlson, is the perfect way to begin gardening with chil¬dren ages 5 to 12. Lots of good advice and information is slipped into many projects that you can do with your children or they can do on their own. Easily understood text and lively illustrations. Ages 4 to 8. $12.95.
GARDENING WITH KIDS has many useful books and project materials. Available from National Gardening Association, 1100 Dorset St., South Burlington, VT 05403; www.kidsgardening.com; or call 800-538-7476.
Going Somewhere?
AUTO REPAIR FOR DUMMIES, by Deanna Sclar. Auto repair is conventionally in the male domain, and I’m a total ignoramus once the hood is up, and here’s a book by a woman that makes it almost clear to me. Boy, am I embarrassed. This book is the answer for those of us (male or female) not born with wrenches in our hands. Concise, direct, simple explanations help the reader understand the major systems of an automobile and take the fear out of dealing with maintenance and repair. If you don’t like greasy hands, at least you’ll be able to talk to a mechanic as if you know what you’re talking about, but probably, with this book, you won’t need a mechanic. More than 300 illus¬trations. 480 pages, comb-bound so it will lie flat while you refer to it as you work, so you won’t get grease all over it.
Free maps and travel information about any state. Call directory assistance for toll-free numbers (800-555-1212) and ask for the state tourism office. Easy! $21.99.
To find recreation or historic sites, outdoor fun, national parks, and more activities in your area or in an area you’d like to visit or study, try www.recreation.gov.
AMERICAN STUDENT TRAVEL, 16225 Park Ten Place, Suite 450, Houston, TX 77084, 800-688-1965; www.astravel.com. Fun and educational trips in various parts of the U.S. with well-supervised groups for kids ages 10 to 18. Be a chaperone and travel free!
Colleges and universities frequently have empty rooms during the summer. Call the hous¬ing office. Rooms can be as little as $15 a night.
Drive cross-country for free (and maybe get paid) as an auto transporter. Check the yellow pages for Automobile Transporters. Good driving record required, and frequently a $200 refundable deposit. You pay only for food, fuel, and lodging.
INTERVAC U.S. (415-435-3497). For a $35 annual fee, they’ll provide three directories — with more than 7,000 contacts in all 50 states and 25 countries — of people who want to trade homes for a vacation.
At www.homeexchange.com you can search for home exchange listings and contact owners directly at no cost.
Looking for a different kind of vacation? Try house sitting or being caretakers. Send a SASE to The Caretaker Gazette, P.O. Box 540-Z, River Falls, WI 54022. Online: www.caretaker.org.
If you’ll be traveling with grandparents through the national parks, and they are members of AARP, they are entitled to a 10 percent discount on admission. If they are over 62 they can call 888-467-2757 for information about a $10 lifetime pass (called a Golden Age Passport).
Kids’ Container Gardening: Year-Round Projects for Inside and Out, by Cindy Krezel. This is a great idea, well presented, with a good variety of small projects that kids can do either by themselves or with you. It starts with some good advice and goes on to tell you about a wide variety of containers you can use and interesting ideas for growing things in them. Have you ever heard of a cocktail garden? It’s just one of the projects here, along with vegetable hanging baskets, Halloween hats, sand art terrariums, a small fountain, and others. Ages 9 to 12. Cover price $14.95. $13.00 from Brook Farm Books.
